Tuesday, 7 July 2009

Common Sense 2009!!

Common Sense Died April 1st, 2009

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair and maybe it was my fault.Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge) and the simple rule of life, if I don’t watch where I am going I am likely to get lost or hurt.His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.
They have renamed him in some quarters as Health & Safety!!
Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a member of the public who burnt her mouth on a fast food chains hot coffee, another spilled it in their lap, both sued, “Oops are we missing something here”, Common Sense lamented. Or a restaurant /chef owner who fires an unruly kitchen trainee for smoking in the kitchen is then reprimanded by the employment tribunal; this pressing news in the recent Catering trade magazine only worsened his condition. He cancelled all his subscription, too many advertisements on monitoring your restaurant and retail outlets against the demons of Brussels and fear mongering articles every week on the next piece of red tape legislation bullying its way from Westminster, via of course the puppet string masters of Brussels.
These things only worsened his condition.
Certainly his eye sight began to deteriorate some years ago with the onslaught of small print on every thing from Health Club contracts to menu’s to now even till receipts, let alone the constant messages posted under the Health and Safety of our citizens act. Only a few months before he passed on poor Common Sense was out and about and parked in a hotel in Doncaster to see the barbed wire fence marking off a field by his car, of course he instantly recognised the fence it was born in 1829, younger than himself, but old enough to be recognised and indeed know better, it was demeaned by a series of signs hung from it’s wire strands that read ‘Beware - barbed wire fence’ Common Sense’s health lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. He couldn’t even enjoy his early evening meal at his local brassiere as these unruly kids ‘failed’ by school disciplines ran amok around the tables, chilling his heart as well as his soup , the parents at these tables were knocking back pinot grigio by the gallon (sorry litres) to calm their disappointment at a crumbling school system he assumed!
His health declined even further when he learned that EHO directives via Brussels on the sale of hot food meant department stores like Debenhams are required to check their displayed food every 20 minutes and religiously log it, forget the shoppers needing service he thought. Of course his blood boiled on the thought of our French cousins flaunting this directive at every opportunity. Why only last week whilst visiting Paris he dropped into the European Sandwich show at the Congres de Honor only to see hot food samples ‘galically ‘(yes, not gallantly) cooling down on a beautiful marble table, no thermometers glass covers or temperature probs here he noted.
Poor Common Senses illness was not aided last year when a well known restaurant group in London was warned again by authority figures to chill down and enclose in glass their cheese board, no runny cheese served from now on with his port, indeed his port could not be decanted as lead existed in his favourite cut glass decanter, ..."no wonder his grandfather died at 92, all that lead from cut glass wine glasses and years of decanting fine old ports!"
Poor CC went off to the South of France to convalesce on this experience alone and became more melancholy for right there in the markets and restaurant windows was lovely runny cheese enjoying the winter sunshine….criminals received better treatment than their victims he cried out.Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault. Common Sense was equally confused when signs for mind the step into a large hotel in York were ignored by a guest and subsequently sued for his fall. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after another woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot in January 2009. She too spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded another huge settlement; No trend here then?
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his sons, Reason and the H&S Executive run his estate..He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame and I'm A Victim.Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he was gone.
If you still remember him, drop me a line on stephen@movingfood.com.com and I will pass on your condolences.
If not join the majority and do absolutely nothing.......

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